Wow last journal was August 7th yeah?
I told myself I wasn't going to touch it again until I had something positive to write.
While things are still hard for me here, I've settled in and adjusted, for the most part anyways, to my new life.

As of today I have been living in Philadelphia for 2 months. I've hurdled the halfway mark in the semester, and things are speeding by.
I have a job, taking international student to lunch believe it or not. I get paid to socialize.
The work load is immense, but I don't have much of a social life outside of work, so it balances out.

I have found it...difficult to make friends, and my WA buddies have not been great at keeping touch.
A phone call goes two ways guys!!
The boy and I are no longer together, the distance just didn't work. So there is three and a half years gone, and it's...definitely weird.
I'm looking for an apartment, I hate the dorms. Anyone in central Philly looking for a roommate? :3

I'm casting bronze on Wednesday in my sculpture class, and I am so excited I can hardly stand it.
Everything I own now is covered in paint, clay, or slurry. It's the most aggravating thing, but that's art college for yah I guess.

On another note, halloween is fast approaching!!
I think I'm just going to stay in my dorm and play kings cup via web cam. No dress up, nothing fancy.
Or maybe I will dress up and run around the streets of New York.

More art is soon to come! I've already done a bunch of crap for all my classes...I need to take some pictures, but really it's kind of boring.
You'll see.

19 days until I leave. My flight is at 6am on delta air, and I have a connection, which I hate.
Screw layovers.

I had a mild panic attack last night. The check came for my loan, which was cool to look at, but then I realized that I would have to pay it back.
I took out $19,700 for two semesters, and I'm going to be paying back $32,446.90 with interest included. That's a grand total of $129,787.60 for four years.
The loan only covers half the tuition, I got half of it covered in scholarships and it's still that much!! And it won't go down with residency because it's a private school.
I lost my legacy scholarship because I got too many scholarships. I guess they thought I didn't need it.
For one year at UArts I could pay for FOUR YEARS at the community college here. What am I thinking?

My parents have made it abundantly clear that this is all on me, and they're not going to help me pay for college, except for an occasional interest payment. My dad had a very large problem just cosigning for the loan just so I could get it!
in 19 days I will start paying back a ridiculous sum of money, going to school, and becoming a functioning member of society.
I won't be able to run back to my parents, or say 'I don't wanna do this anymore.' I can't opt out, it's the real deal.
I don't know if I can do this. Writing about it, I can feel the panic starting to set in again.

I'm moving across the country, leaving my friends, my old job...I beginning to wonder if can handle this.
Everything is in motion, and all I want to do is scream STOP at the top of my lungs. I'm not ready for it. I don't want the responsibility.
I'm 19 for fucks sake, I don't' want to be in debt!
I'm going in to this alone. My boyfriend isn't going to move with me, so that relationship is going to fall apart when I leave.

I wanted to make this a positive journal but I am freaking out.
I'm not trying to be emo or self pitying, so if you think that gtfo.

19 days until life really starts.